Parenting Styles

Hello All!  I hope you all had a great weekend.  For this week, I have chose a topic I find especially intriguing.  On Sunday I had the pleasure of going to the zoo and observing families genuinely enjoy the presence of each other. I found it peaceful the way the parents interacted with their children, advocating their curiosity.  They allowed their children to explore and question things.  What happens when these children get older and start actively testing their boundaries.  What then?

Of course I didn't just people watch the whole time but, it did remind me that I find parenting styles very interesting. The interaction we have with our parents is our first taste of relationships in this world.  Although this is obviously the case, the relationship with one's parents is also different than with anyone else because they are also our primary caregivers. As we grow from infancy to adulthood, we have needs that have to be met and we learn how to meet them.  For some adults mental grief is the root of unmet needs.  For others, they may get their needs met by acting out aggressively or even exhibiting more Borderline type tendencies.Why is this?  Did their parents give them too much slack...too little, where they more a friend?  Without getting too involved in a tangent exploring attachment styles, I would like to explore Parenting styles.

There are 4 Parenting styles: Authoritarian, Authoritative, Permissive and Uninvolved

Authoritarian parents expect children to follow their strict rules without offering explanation more than, "because I say so."  Failure to follow such rules usually results in punishment.

Authoritative parents also have rules and expect their children to follow them but, they are more democratic.  They are responsive to their children and willing to listen to questions. When children fail to meet the expectations, these parents are more nurturing and forgiving rather than punishing. They are assertive, but not intrusive and restrictive. Their disciplinary methods are supportive, rather than punitive.

Permissive parents, sometimes referred to as indulgent parents, have very few demands to make of their children.  They have relatively low expectations of maturity and self-control.  They are nurturing and communicative with their children, often taking on the status of a friend more than that of a parent.

and lastly....

An uninvolved parenting style is characterized by few demands, low responsiveness and little communication. While these parents fulfill the child's basic needs, they are generally detached from their child's life. In extreme cases, these parents may even reject or neglect the needs of their children.

Now ask yourself....Which parenting type would you rather have?

Which parenting style did your parents exhibit? And if you are a parent, which one are you?

Where do we get our parenting styles?  What makes us decide how we parent our children?
These are difficult questions because sometimes they are combined.  What happens when a parent is Authoritarian when they have the energy and Uninvolved when life gets in the way?  I pose these questions and leave many unanswered.  I would love to hear what you all think. 
The truth is parenting is an extremely difficult job.  I am truly impressed by the patience that parents must have to get all that needs to be accomplished in a day and not pull their hair out.  However, it is the one full time job I look forward to the most in life. 
I am truly honored to serve parents as a therapist.  I never claim to be an expert but, I do try to be subjective and observant of the parent-child relationship. 

According to one article..

Authoritarian parenting styles generally lead to children who are obedient and proficient, but they rank lower in happiness, social competence and self-esteem.

Authoritative parenting styles tend to result in children who are happy, capable and successful (Maccoby, 1992).

Permissive parenting often results in children who rank low in happiness and self-regulation. These children are more likely to experience problems with authority and tend to perform poorly in school.

Uninvolved parenting styles rank lowest across all life domains. These children tend to lack self-control, have low self-esteem and are less competent than their peers.

So according to this, it is obvious which style one would select.  However, it is easier said than done.  I conclude that the parents, those caregivers that are making such an impact on their children need support themselves.  If you serve parents, you have the opportunity to share these ideas with them, allow them to explore what type they would like to be and how to get there. 
What type of questions might you ask?  Please comment and share your ideas.


References
Baumrind, D. (1967). Child-care practices anteceding three patterns of preschool behavior. Genetic Psychology Monographs, 75, 43-88.
Baumrind, D. (1991). The influence of parenting style on adolescent competence and substance use. Journal of Early Adolescence, 11(1), 56-95.
Maccoby, E. E., & Martin, J. A. (1983). Socialization in the context of the family: Parent–child interaction. In P. H. Mussen & E. M. Hetherington, Handbook of child psychology: Vol. 4. Socialization, personality, and social development (4th ed.). New York: Wiley.
Maccoby, E.E. (1992). The role of parents in the socialization of children: An historical overview. Developmental Psychology, 28, 1006-1017.